Trick or Treating Axioms

31 October 2004 @ 1:58 | Posted in » Bob, Miscellaneous

Yesterday was my daughter’s first Halloween. She is but four months old so I understand there is only so much which can be expected. We visited one neighbor so I could film the experience and show off our little girl in her over-priced pumpkin outfit. It was cute. Then it was back across the street to distribute candy to the older children.

All the while, I explained Halloween to my daughter. By the end of the day, we had developed the following axioms.

If you are old enough to smoke (or to hang out with those who do), then you are too old to trick or treat
If you have passed puberty, your trick or treating days are behind you
If you have more facial hair than the guy holding the baby passing out the candy can grow, you shouldn’t have a candy bag
If you do not know to be polite by saying Happy Halloween or Thank You, you should not come to my house
If your mode of transportation is larger than a van, you should not be looking for free candy
If your costume consists of your regular clothes, you should not trick or treat
If you wear a T-shirt which states Catholic Girls Do It Better, you probably don’t need the sugar

Regarding the bus, yes, that is what it looks like. A bus came and parked on the cul-de-sac. Out of it poured numerous children. None of these children were from our neighborhood. Unbelievable!

Update: 31 OCT 04, 12:21
It appears I have company with my axioms. Michele over at A Small Victory has a few blurbs about her thoughts on this holiday (here and here). Funny stuff.