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Trick or Treating Axioms

Yesterday was my daughter’s first Halloween. She is but four months old so I understand there is only so much which can be expected. We visited one neighbor so I could film the experience and show off our little girl in her over-priced pumpkin outfit. It was cute. Then it was back across the street to distribute candy to the older children.

All the while, I explained Halloween to my daughter. By the end of the day, we had developed the following axioms.

• If you are old enough to smoke (or to hang out with those who do), then you are too old to trick or treat
• If you have passed puberty, your trick or treating days are behind you
• If you have more facial hair than the guy holding the baby passing out the candy can grow, you shouldn’t have a candy bag
• If you do not know to be polite by saying Happy Halloween or Thank You, you should not come to my house
• If your mode of transportation is larger than a van, you should not be looking for free candy
• If your costume consists of your regular clothes, you should not trick or treat
• If you wear a T-shirt which states Catholic Girls Do It Better, you probably don’t need the sugar

Regarding the bus, yes, that is what it looks like. A bus came and parked on the cul-de-sac. Out of it poured numerous children. None of these children were from our neighborhood. Unbelievable!

Update: 31 OCT 04, 12:21
It appears I have company with my axioms. Michele over at A Small Victory has a few blurbs about her thoughts on this holiday (here and here). Funny stuff.

Also blogged on this date . . .

• NJMP Halloween Trick - 2009
• Looking for Mrs. Leeds Child - 2009
• Chase Utley's Potty Mouth - 2008
• Dress Codes - 2007
• Cinderella - 2007
• The Fora & A New Poll - 2006
• Election Scare Tactics from Teachers - 2004
• NJEA Needs a Mathematics Lesson - 2004
• One-Tenth Mile Rule/Guideline - 2003

Tags: Bob